It is with a heavy heart that we announce the passing of Kermit Carter.  For those of you that knew Kermit, it goes without saying he enjoyed the simple things in life: the sound of laughter, being surrounded by friends and the way the morning dew gleamed off an 8-Ball because f*** hangovers, this party is still rock'n! Kermit died like he lived, through copious amounts of sex, drugs and Golden Girls reruns.  I talked to a homeless man today that said "Kermit once ate a sleeve of Oreo's, two Perkins 'Tremendous Twelve' and a White Castle 20-pack in one sitting on a $5 dare...that man is my hero." His heart was big, three time the size of a normal human being according to Cardiologist, which is why they had to replace it with a Baboon's in order to save his life.  Sadly, Kermit succumbed to the one illness that 20 years ago anyone of us could have predicted: 26 stab wounds to the crotch.  Though many advances in western medicine, several Chilean doctors where only able to find the cure for 22 of those wounds. In the end, Kermit's last words were "Make sure the class of '95 remembers me as Kermit, their friend...and I may had shart myself," then a gurgle and then more shart.  Kermit is survived by his 3 sister wives, 28 children and a pet ferret named 'Freckles'. Rest in Peace.